Domestically Waiting

Quiet Monday

2008-08-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

It was a raining Monday here today. The kind of day you want to just stay in bed and snuggle up with a good book. Well that is not what happened. I got woke up at 4:00 am with my daughter complaining that her head hurt really bad. So up I get to find the children's motrin and give her the recommended doses only to have it come back up thirty minutes later. So from 4 am on we have been up. J was done throwing up by 6 am and has been on the go since. Of course that meant a day off from work to spend with her. Too bad it wasn't for something fun.

What I want to be when I grow up

2008-07-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

As I had posted before I started taking some college courses to get my teaching degree and I did really well Spring Semester 2 A's and a B. The B was algebra and I missed an A by .10 points.

As the fuel prices went up and up (my dh is an over the road truck driver) and health insurance went up again I went back to work to help out. I went back to the same job I left to be at home with J. Well technically not the same job, but the same company with great health insurance and pay better then most places. Starting pay at my company is $11.45 and insurance is only $27 every two weeks. But anyways, back to my orignial thought. I wanted to be a school teacher, but now that I am back in the electronic distribution industry and after being gone for almost 4 years and falling right back into the rountine and really enjoying it, I don't know if I will finish up with my schooling or not. The work I am doing is stimulating and I really enjoy it. Maybe this is my true calling.

Haven't Been Here for a while

2008-07-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I sure have not kept up with this blog as much as what I had hoped, but here is what is going on in our house. J is going to be starting kindergarten in September and I have gone back to work. DH is an over the road truck driver and with fuel prices going crazy we needed the extra income and now we have health insurance through my work and are saving $600 a month on health insurance also.

J is a little sad that she is now going to daycare, but at the same time her best friend goes to the same one and they get to play everyday now. It is hard on me too because we have put our adoption on hold for now until we get somewhat caught up on our bills, not that we are behind, but we want to have somethings paid off. As much as I want to bring another child into our lives the expense is not something we can do at this time.

We are just now discussing the possiblity of looking into adopting a child between 1-3 years of age. DH says he doesn't need the baby stage again, but, I'm not sure if I want to miss out on the first smiles, rolling over and everything that goes with babies. We have a lot to talk about.

Hopefully I will get better at posting more often.

Mish Mash

2008-02-12T06:24:00.000-08:00

My goodness, it has been along time since my last post and so much has happened. We have been offered to be presented to two different birth moms and have declined both. The first was a birthmom that was going to place her four children ages 5, 2, and twins that are 3 months. We just could not wrap our minds around going from 1 child to 5 overnight. The second situation was a birthmom who had placed with a single mom and then the state would not approve it. There was no way we would be able to get our finances ready to go in the time frame that they needed. So we continue to wait.

I have been extremely busy with school. Taking 3 online classes has been very overwhelming and time consuming. It has been very interesting. My American Lit class that I thought I would have so much trouble with has actually been going very well.

I just took my daughter to the doctor yesterday because she had a fever that I could not get under control. They elected to test her for both strep throat and influenza. Well the test came back that she does indeed have the true flu. It sure has not kept her down though. She her fever only lasted a day and she is bouncing all over the place this morning so she must be on the mend.

Snow, Snow and More Snow

2007-12-02T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well it started on Saturday and is still going now. We got over 6" of snow. DD loves it. She has already been out making snowangels. This is her favorite time of the year, she loves to be out in the snow. She makes snowangels, forts, snowmen and anything else she can come up with. I on the other hand am not as pleased. It means lots of shoveling and bad roads. Not looking forward to this winter if it is going to continue the way it started.

On other notes, I talked with our case worker to see if there had been any birthmothers that were looking at us. She said that we were out on at least 5 cases. She also said that they have several birth moms and not enough families with the willingness to adopt outside of their race. So she said that the odds are in our favor that we will match soon.

I have also started taking the online orientation for my upcoming college classes. So far so good. I am really enjoying it and DD is being very helpful and giving me some quiet time to get things done. She is five and has now decided that she is big enough to take over vacuuming the livingroom. It is funny because when I say I have to get some cleaning done she runs for the vacuum and dust rag.

Preschool

2007-11-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Our DD is in her second year of preschool and it is fun to watch how the kids interact with each other. I volunteer for an hour every morning to help get the class started, here is a conversation the I over heard this morning:

Boy: I want some crayons.

DD: You have to say please.

Boy: NO! Give me some crayons.

DD and 2 other girls: Not until you say please. You have to use your good manners.

Boy: NO! NO! NO! I want some crayons NOW!!!!

Boy's Best Friend: All you have to do is say please.

It is funny how they already police themselves to use good manners and treat each other with respect.

Been a Long Time

2007-11-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since my last post. Not a lot has changed in that time. We are stilling waiting to be matched. Our daughter is still asking the hard questions. And my heart has lost all hope in a happy ending. My head still is telling me it will all work out and that DD will have a baby brother or sister.

One of the reasons that I have not posted in a while is that my sister-in-law found out that she was pregnant and I have been trying my hardest to come to terms with the fact that they will now have 3 kids and my other sil will have four and we have one beautiful daughter that wants nothing more than a sibling and we are not able to give that to her.

I know that this sounds like a real pity party and it was. It has taken me a long time to work through it and now I am back. I am going to use my blog as a way to release my feelings.

I am also not going to sit around anymore and let the world pass me by just waiting and watching. I have registered for some on line college classes and will hopefully be able to complete my elementary ed degree in the next couple of years.

No more feeling sorry for myself. On to bigger and better things then that. I will now be waiting a little more patiently with a goal to be completed.

Random Thoughts

2007-04-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a week since I last posted. Nothing really exciting has happened in the land of adoption. I am feeling very frustrated with the process. We have been matched twice in the last 4 months and both times the emom has changed her mind, which is her right, but that doesn't make it any easier or less painful. We are hoping to be matched again soon, but, then there is more emom expenses and legal expenses and money we just don't have right now. Why does it have to be so hard for some people to get to the family that they want.

We already went through 2+ years of infertiltiy treatments. We found out that I have PCOS and my husband has a very low sperm count. After several IUI attempts we actually concieved and ended up with an ectopic pregnancy. I never really grieved our infertility, but, I am grieving everything that has gone wrong with the adoption.

On happier thoughts, we had a great weekend. We took dd to the circus on Friday and had a very good time. She really loved it all. Then we spent the day on Saturday outside to a little bit of everything from playing t-ball to swinging and playing in the sandbox.

Tomorrow we are going to the aviation campus with her preschool class and then on a tour of Pizza Hut. It should be a good time.

Crazy, Crazy Weekend

2007-04-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

My husband is an over the road truck driver that owns his own rig. It seems like this last month has been nothing but repairs but the worst started out last Wednesday night. He went to get something fixed Wednesday night and unloaded and reloaded on Thursday morning and was home by 1:00. I was out in our shop talking to him and we noticed he was leaking some oil. He called back to the place that had supposedly fixed it the night before. They felt like maybe it had been a bad gasket and they want us to come back right away and they would fix it. So I hurried up and packed us up and followed him the 2 hours back to the repair shop. We spent a wonderful night in the hotel with our dd playing in the pool and just relaxing. We got home on Friday around 5:00 and dh noticed it was leaking oil again. So he called back down to the repair shop, again, they wanted us back that night. So, once again I hurriedly packed us up and off we went again. At least, the repair shop paid for our hotel that night. Thank goodness it is finally fixed.

So what should have been a 3 day weekend spending family time together ended up be a very rushed, hectic, frustrating weekend.

Not so Good

2007-04-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a horrible day. I could not shake the feeling that our last emom had given birth to her son so I looked up the hospitals in her area and found the baby annoucement pages of the hospital she used. I saw the picture of the son the I had been growing in my heart well she carried him in her. I cried on and off all day and tried to explain to my dd that mommy was just a little sad and would be all right soon.

I know that I needed this for closure and today is starting off a little better so hopefully no more tears today. But, if they do come they come for a reason and I just need to deal with them and let me have the feelings that come along with this crazy journey.

Made it Through the Weekend

2007-04-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

Sunday was the due date of our previous match, so I decided to keep myself extremely busy since last week. I helped out at my dd preschool on Thursday which was such a good time. I always new that she was smart, but she really showed it to me that day. She is only 4 1/2 but she is keeping up to the kids that could have went to kindergarten this year. Her vocabulary is amazing and she has been talking in complete sentences since she was 18 months. I have a feeling we will have our hands full as she gets older.

Friday I talked my wonderful husband into taking us overnight to a hotel about 70 miles away that has a great water area for the kids and we played late into the night on Friday and Saturday morning before heading home to get him ready to leave for the week.

Sunday was our last day of Sunday School for the year and it went very well. I taught the preschool class and we played a lot of games and just had a great time.

So today I am ok. I wonder if the baby has been born yet and praying that he and his mom are ok and will make it. But over all I feel very good that I am ok and not letting it get me to down. We are patiently waiting to see what that next twist in this roller coaster adoption journey is going to come.

Feeling a Little Depressed

2007-04-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

The weather here has been cold and cloudy with a few flurries thrown in for good measure. It definitly is not helping my mood. April 15, 2007 is the due date of one of the emom that we were matched with and as that date comes closer the more depressed I find myself getting. I know that it will happen to us at some point but this just felt very right.

I just hope and pray that she is ok and that she is able to raise this child by herself, as she does not have a very good support system and the father has a 5 month old with another woman and wants nothing to do with her and her parents are raising her 11 year old son.

I am hoping that the weather clears up soon so that I can get outside and maybe be able to get rid of this mood. I am going to have my hair done tomorrow morning and that always seems to lift my spririts some.

Proud Mama Moment

2007-04-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well, last night we went to Maundy Thursday services at our church. We have a very small congregation and even fewer kids. J was the one of about 6 kids in church last night and the very best behaved. She didn't move from pew to pew like a couple of them and she put up a fuss about anything. She just sat and listened to the Pastor speak and snuggled up. On our way home I told her how proud I was that she was my daughter and that she was so well behaved at church. Her response to me was "isn't that the way I'm suppose to act."

More Info

2007-04-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

Well, Trace made a comment on my first post with some questions so here is a little more information on our current adoption. We are hoping to adopt either a full AA or Bi-racial child as our daughter is AA/Hispanic. We do not care if it is a boy or a girl as we would not be able to choose if I was able to give birth. Our adoption with our dd is semi-open to open. Our dd bmom has our address and phone number but in the last couple of years has chosen not to use it. The last set of pictures that I sent her came back as the forward on her address had run out and I don't have her new address.

We started our adoption process in June of 2006 and was hoping it would not take over a year but it is looking like it will not happen by then. We were matched with a emom due in February, but in late January she changed her mind and decided to parent. We then were matched in early March with an emom due mid April and she has now decided to parent. I just wish one of these matches would work. It was hard since both wanted to have closed adoptions so we could not get a feeling for what they would do. I am hoping the next match will be more open so that we would be able to talk to them.

Hope Filled

2007-04-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am starting this blog as a way to express my feelings while waiting for our second domestic adoption to be completed. We have already had two failed matches and are just waiting to get that call that says we have a match for you.

Our first adoption of our dd J went so smoothly. We got the call that a girl was born and the papers had been signed so to come and get our daughter. I have never moved so fast. I was at work and I started to delegate things that needed to be done since I was in management. I called my dh and finished up everything at work went home washed the baby clothes that we had been picking up, and packed. My wonderful MIL came over and helped me clean our house. We got a "good" night sleep. I don't think I slept a wink and we left from Minnesota for Texas the next morning at 7:00 am.

It was all so unreal. We met our dd birthmom and fell in love with her. She asked us what we thought of the pictures of our daughter. At that point we had not seen her at all. Our bmom just cried she couldn't believe we came all of that way without seeing her picture first. To us it didn't matter what she looked like we had already fallen in love with her from what our caseworker had told us.

Now we are on the rollercoaster ride again and hopefully it will go better then it has been soon.